


Sanity Check

by ellebeedarling



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, First Time, Gift Fic, M/M, PWP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 10:11:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14668875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: "And there are benefits to that happiness."After their date at Apollo's, Shepard gets a taste of those benefits Kaidan mentioned.





	Sanity Check

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sparkly_butthole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/gifts).



> Nothing but smutty smut for sparkly_butthole's bday!! Hope you enjoy it, my love! Sorry it was a few days late. 
> 
> Unbetaed, so hopefully it doesn't suck. 
> 
> Inspired by this [post](https://ellebeedarling.tumblr.com/post/173925358674/soldiermom1973-damn-this-has-mshenko-all-over) on Tumblr.

 

It feels like a lifetime. Of wanting, of pining, of waiting for this moment. Like all other moments in life have just been a buildup to this one spectacular, dreamt-of event. Not even  _ dreamt-of  _ because nothing he’s experienced has ever been quite like this. Before Kaidan felt Shepard’s lips against his own, their stubble catching, he couldn’t possibly have known what this would feel like. 

 

There have been others before. Not many, but he’s not inexperienced. Shepard makes him feel like he is though. Not because of Shepard’s prowess, per se, but because of who he is. He’s the one. Kaidan knows it. He feels it to his very marrow. This moment is the birth of stars and stories and poems. This moment is the pivotal shift of Kaidan’s life. 

 

Everything before Shepard. Everything after Shepard. 

 

Already, the stars seem brighter. 

 

_ There weren’t enough moments like this… with people I care about.  _

 

He’d practiced and rehearsed, getting the lines down just so. Of all the performances in his life, that had been the most crucial. No room for mistakes. (Though some part of Kaidan’s soul assures him that Shepard would have understood, he’s glad he didn’t screw it up.)

 

Shepard’s lips burn against Kaidan’s skin, the memory of their touch already cemented in his mind. Everything about Shepard is fierce and passionate. The brush of his rough fingers against Kaidan’s body inflames every emotion he’s ever felt. His decadent moans and filthy words against Kaidan’s ear spike his desire skyward. How has he lived for thirty-four years without this?

 

_ It’s just… you plan a career, you focus, then suddenly the world’s ending and it’s too late to… find someone.  _

 

_ Someone? _

 

Shepard whispers Kaidan’s name, and it’s the most adoring, worshipful sound he’s ever heard in his life. Nothing can compare to this, Kaidan thinks, but Shepard’s hands are still moving. They’re both still aching with pent-up tension that’s just begging to find a release, and Shepard seems in no hurry to make that happen like he’s enjoying this brand of torment just a bit too much. Kaidan’s body already feels like it’s been flayed open, and Shepard’s done nothing to offer him any relief. 

 

Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word is meant for one thing only - inflicting more of this delicious agony. Shepard works with a singular purpose - to make Kaidan crave  _ more _ . And he does. God, does he ever. 

 

_ Maybe what I’ve never found - what I want - is something deeper with someone I already… care about. _

 

Sweat pools between them, both their bodies too hot to touch. Shepard ruts against him, the sweat and pre-cum leaking from both their tips enough to ease the friction of skin-against-skin. Shepard’s teeth find his nipple. Kaidan cries out and bows toward the ceiling. “Fuck,” it’s a half-whisper, half-moan, and it’s followed by a low chuckle from Shepard. 

 

_ You and me? Is that what you’re saying, Kaidan?  _

 

At the time, he didn’t know if Shepard was just playing hard to get, or if he really hadn’t seen all the signs that were pointing them toward this pivotal moment in their lives. Now, he suspects it was just Shepard’s way of deflecting, of giving himself time to organize the scattered thoughts in his brain into something coherent. 

 

It wasn’t that he’d never _thought_ of that circumstance happening - he’d obviously thought of it plenty - it was that he’d never _believed_ _that it could_ happen. 

 

_ Be nice to have someone to turn to when things get grim. Someone to live for. Maybe love.  _

 

_ Someone? _

 

_ You, Kaidan. _

 

“I love you,” Shepard says. “I’ve always loved you.”

 

And Kaidan knows it’s not too soon to say it back because it’s always been this. Always been the two of them. As they’ve danced around each other. As they’ve unintentionally hurt one another. As they’ve finally come together in the most intimate of ways, taking that irrevocable step beyond friendship and into the journey of a lifetime. 

 

Shepard’s hand finally sneaks between them, fingers unerringly finding Kaidan’s entrance and brushing lightly. He pulls back, fixes his sapphire gaze intently on Kaidan’s eyes. It’s a silent request for permission to continue, and while he awaits an answer, Shepard holds perfectly still. Kaidan’s not sure the man’s even breathing. 

 

Kaidan nods his assent and the dam bursts. A flood of movement follows as Shepard grabs the lube and drizzles it on his fingers. It all happens so fast, but when Shepard’s digits slip into him, aided by cold, wet slick, all the tension in his body relaxes at once. His focus is solely on the sheer pleasure of Shepard’s fingers moving inside of him, slow and purposeful, preparing him carefully and thoroughly. 

 

The rest of Shepard isn’t idle as he works with such patience. His lips trail fire down Kaidan’s torso, teeth honing in on that nipple again. Again, Kaidan cries out, writhes beneath the attention. John seems in awe of this reaction, and kisses Kaidan soundly, tongue delving between Kaidan’s parted lips. It’s sudden and hungry, and Kaidan can’t get enough. Gripping the back of John’s neck, he holds him steady as he deepens the kiss, and Shepard’s needy little moans obliterate any resolve Kaidan might have left. 

 

“I need you,” he all but whines, and Shepard responds with a few pained whimpers of his own. 

 

“Fuck, Kaidan,” Shepard groans into his ear. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

 

“No worse than what you do to me,” Kaidan tells him. “Please… John… let me feel you inside me.” 

 

The fingers inside him disappear, and Kaidan ignores his disappointment in favor of anticipating something better to come. It only takes Shepard a moment to lube himself up, and then Kaidan feels the blunt head of John’s dick against him. Apprehension seizes Kaidan’s body briefly, but Shepard is there, soothing with comforting words and soft lips. So, he relaxes as Shepard moves slowly but surely into him, and it’s divine. 

 

_ It does feel right… after all this time... _

 

Shepard’s forehead is pressed hard against Kaidan’s. His breaths are ragged and harsh; his eyes are squeezed shut. “Sorry,” he whispers. “It’s… a bit overwhelming.” 

 

It’s Kaidan’s turn to soothe. His fingers dig into taut muscle all down Shepard’s back, willing him to relax and breathe. He places fleeting kisses against John’s lips. 

 

“So fucking tight,” Shepard murmurs, but he kisses Kaidan back, deeper and harder. Then his hips begin to move, and now, Kaidan’s the one who can’t think or speak. 

 

Shepard alternates between shallow and long thrusts, keeping his rhythm random and driving Kaidan crazy. His hands and lips roam - pinching a nipple between thumb and forefinger, catching slivers of skin between his teeth and worrying dark purple bruises there. 

 

Kaidan’s legs wrap around Shepard’s waist, his fingers groping and squeezing John’s body. His teeth capture one of John’s earlobes, and he’s rewarded with a growl and a snap of Shepard’s hips. He offers a short laugh in return, and Shepard’s answering smile takes his breath away. 

 

_ And that… makes me so happy. And there are benefits to that happiness.  _

 

_ Really? _

 

Shepard raises up on his knees, adjusting their position, and his fingers tremble as they reach for Kaidan’s cock. It’s gratifying to see that he’s just as affected by everything that’s happening as Kaidan is. Amber eyes trace a bead of sweat as it trickles down John’s stomach. It looks so good he wants to taste it. 

 

Kaidan watches the shift and flex of Shepard’s abdomen as he thrusts lazily. He is so fucking sexy, and Kaidan thinks he’s never seen anything quite so beautiful in his life. His fingers lose their tremors as Shepard finds a nice, steady rhythm of thrusting his hips and stroking Kaidan’s dick. 

 

“Goddamn, you’re beautiful like this, Kaidan.”

 

Kaidan can only find it in himself to moan in response, and Shepard’s wild grin has his heart racing even more. Why the fuck didn’t he tell John how he felt sooner?

 

He feels himself slipping. All the heat and tension in his body is pooling into his center and begging to be set free. Shepard looks close as well. His lips are parted, his breathing rough and jagged, and his eyes are locked onto the point where their bodies are joined. 

 

“Look at me, John.” 

 

Shepard does, and Kaidan sucks in a sharp breath. The blue of John’s eyes has all but disappeared. They’re glazed with lust and love, and suddenly everything is too much. Kaidan feels himself tip over the edge, feels Shepard’s erratic strokes and thrusts, feels the wetness of his release against his skin. 

 

John leans forward, kisses him desperately as Kaidan’s body jerks and quakes through his orgasm. Kaidan breaks the kiss to suck in a lungful of air, and Shepard’s lips move to his throat, bestowing open-mouthed kisses. 

 

“Fuck, Kaidan, I’m…” The words die away, replaced with a resonant groan, pulled from deep within John’s chest. Kaidan cradles him as his body stutters and shakes, whispering words of love and adoration, which John repeats. Their kisses turn tender, their smiles, gentle, as they hold on to one another. 

 

_ What did you call it? A sanity check? _

 

_ Hmm… sanity check.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: [ellebeedarling](http://ellebeedarling.tumblr.com)
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


End file.
